This week we discussed divorce and the effect that it has on the children but we also discussed remarriage and the effects that it can have on the whole family.
Divorce as an immense affect on children. Children involved in a divorce can be used as messengers. The child would run messages between the parents because the parents can't speak with each other. This can cause the child to feel ties of mixed loyalties.
Another thing that children become are confidants to the parents. The parents treat the children as a quasi-parent and tell them things about their other parent that the child shouldn't know or would cause the child to dislike the other parent.
But after divorce can come remarriage to some. Remarriage can be great for all parties if handled with care and patience. The stepparent shouldn't expect the children in the home to love him/her immediately, but take time, get to know the children and establish a friendship first then as they grow to love the stepparent in return, then the step parent can discipline with it being received well.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Friday, December 6, 2013
Lesson 11: December 2 - December 6
This week in FAML 160, we learned about parenting, the different types of parenting and the current trends regarding parenting in our current society.
There are three different types of parenting: authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive.
Authoritarian is the where the parents have rules for the child but also have a deep connection with them. The parents don't just impose rules but they discuss the rules and consequences with the child thus, giving the child an appropriate amount of choice.
Authoritative is where the parents place rules on the child without much explanation of why the rule was set and without listening to the child's opinion on the matter. Authoritative is parenting without much choices or emotional connection between the parent and child.
Permissive is where the child and parent are friends. The child makes all the choices and the parent has no say over what the child does and doesn't do.
I found these different types of parenting to be very interesting. I think that Authoritarian is best because it helps the child to build responsibility and a sense of conscience and consequence because they are involved in the rule making.
What do you think is the best style of parenting? What kind of parenting style do you think reflects your practices?
Another thing that we discussed in my class was the current trends in parenting. One of the trends of parenting today to not have children at all. The trend isn't that people can't have children but that they chose not to, fearing that it would make the husband and wife drift apart. Another trend is having nannies to take care of the children instead of the parents themselves taking care of the child.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Lesson 10 "Fathers and finance" November 21-25 (Thanksgiving Week)
This week was Thanksgiving so class time was cut short, but we discussed how to juggle family and work.
Dual earning families are very common but how do you raise children effectively whilst both parents are out of the home? It could be difficult but it is do-able. But we also discussed stay at home moms, some people think that staying home is a way to waste the education that was gained while at school. But is it really a waste? Think of all those skills the parent can now pass down to their children through patient teaching and guiding through example rather than having the child in day care and learning things that perhaps the parents don't agree with.
Dual earning families are very common but how do you raise children effectively whilst both parents are out of the home? It could be difficult but it is do-able. But we also discussed stay at home moms, some people think that staying home is a way to waste the education that was gained while at school. But is it really a waste? Think of all those skills the parent can now pass down to their children through patient teaching and guiding through example rather than having the child in day care and learning things that perhaps the parents don't agree with.
Friday, November 22, 2013
Week 9 November 18-22 2013
This week we learned a lot about communication. We learned about the importance of communication, the conflicts that can arise in marriage and Council method .
Communication within in the family is astronomically important. If a husband and wife aren't communicating then it would be as if two strangers lived together. They wouldn't be emotionally fulfilled and their bank account would empty super fast as well. Communication is what brings people together and what a relationship is based on.
Conflicts can arise in marriage. But conflict isn't always a bad thing. Conflict can help people see where there are problems in the relationship. Sometimes conflict can be used as a way of manipulating others and getting what you want. But other times people can make requests just because they love the other person very much and not because they want something in return.
The Council method is what the Quorum of the 12 and the First Presidency use as well as the other leaders of the Church use. The difference of using the Council method is that instead of the people making the decision to come to a consensus not a compromise. A compromise is where both parties have to give up something in order for them to make a decision. But a consensus is where everyone discusses until they reach a decision that they all feel comfortable with and that the Lord would have them do.
The steps of the Council method are:
1. Express love and admiration.
2. Prayer (seeking to have the Holy Spirit of God with the discussion so that the people can know what the Lord would have them do)
3. Discuss to consensus.
4. Closing prayer.
5. Refreshments.
Communication within in the family is astronomically important. If a husband and wife aren't communicating then it would be as if two strangers lived together. They wouldn't be emotionally fulfilled and their bank account would empty super fast as well. Communication is what brings people together and what a relationship is based on.
Conflicts can arise in marriage. But conflict isn't always a bad thing. Conflict can help people see where there are problems in the relationship. Sometimes conflict can be used as a way of manipulating others and getting what you want. But other times people can make requests just because they love the other person very much and not because they want something in return.
The Council method is what the Quorum of the 12 and the First Presidency use as well as the other leaders of the Church use. The difference of using the Council method is that instead of the people making the decision to come to a consensus not a compromise. A compromise is where both parties have to give up something in order for them to make a decision. But a consensus is where everyone discusses until they reach a decision that they all feel comfortable with and that the Lord would have them do.
The steps of the Council method are:
1. Express love and admiration.
2. Prayer (seeking to have the Holy Spirit of God with the discussion so that the people can know what the Lord would have them do)
3. Discuss to consensus.
4. Closing prayer.
5. Refreshments.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Week 8 November 11-15
This week in family relations we discussed what the family does when it is under stress. Some of these things that we discussed were the ABCX model and the way that the family can cope.
There are two ways to classify a hardship in your life. One is a stressor which is an event that doesn't necessitate the need for a role change or other change within the family. A crisis is an event that does necessitate a need for a change within a family. When your family goes into a crisis we can use the ABCX model developed by Hill to understand it better and grow from it.
A- Actual event
B- Both resources and responses to them.
C- Cognition
X- Total Experience
First as the model shows you have your event then you look at all your resources. But if you don't use a resource or don't feel comfortable using the resource then it is as if you didn't have that resource at all. Next in the cognition which means what you are thinking about regarding the event and your attitude towards it. X is the total experience all of those things but together.
So we have established your event and how you think about it but what do we do about it? How do we cope?
To cope means to make fine, precise and careful adjustments in your life that will make everyone and everything better than it was before the crisis.
There are two ways to classify a hardship in your life. One is a stressor which is an event that doesn't necessitate the need for a role change or other change within the family. A crisis is an event that does necessitate a need for a change within a family. When your family goes into a crisis we can use the ABCX model developed by Hill to understand it better and grow from it.
A- Actual event
B- Both resources and responses to them.
C- Cognition
X- Total Experience
First as the model shows you have your event then you look at all your resources. But if you don't use a resource or don't feel comfortable using the resource then it is as if you didn't have that resource at all. Next in the cognition which means what you are thinking about regarding the event and your attitude towards it. X is the total experience all of those things but together.
So we have established your event and how you think about it but what do we do about it? How do we cope?
To cope means to make fine, precise and careful adjustments in your life that will make everyone and everything better than it was before the crisis.
Friday, November 8, 2013
November 4 - 8th 2013
This week we discussed martial intimacy and why it is important within a marriage and what constitutes its satisfaction.
Marital intimacy is very important to have only within a marriage. We discussed why there are teenagers having premarital sex which is leading to unwed births and a host of other complications within the teens life.We discussed also that teenagers don't understand how to have a healthy relationship and that is why they have sexual intimacy so early in their relationships. If a teenager understood the need of a married parents for a child's life do you think that would affect their decision to be sexually active? If so, do you think it would be affected for good or bad?
We also learned that marital sexual intimacy is only satisfying to the husband and wife if they know each other and are intimate in other ways. The couple must time talking with each other and getting to know each other on a deeper intellectual level, their hopes and dreams. Another way for it it to be satisfying is to be of service to each other. That means that not only lighten each other's work loads but also to do things that are meaningful to another person.
Marital intimacy is very important to have only within a marriage. We discussed why there are teenagers having premarital sex which is leading to unwed births and a host of other complications within the teens life.We discussed also that teenagers don't understand how to have a healthy relationship and that is why they have sexual intimacy so early in their relationships. If a teenager understood the need of a married parents for a child's life do you think that would affect their decision to be sexually active? If so, do you think it would be affected for good or bad?
We also learned that marital sexual intimacy is only satisfying to the husband and wife if they know each other and are intimate in other ways. The couple must time talking with each other and getting to know each other on a deeper intellectual level, their hopes and dreams. Another way for it it to be satisfying is to be of service to each other. That means that not only lighten each other's work loads but also to do things that are meaningful to another person.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
October 28- November 1
This week in my family relations course we learned about the different adjustments that are made in the very beginning stages of marriage, from the first month to the first year.
There are some many things to adjust to when first starting out. For me, I had to adjust to sharing a bed, I loved stretching out and having all blankets to myself but now I must share. I loved having someone to support me and talk with me anytime I needed and to have someone for me to support and help as well.
Other adjustments that we discussed was being on the same page with schedules or personal habits. What were some of the hard adjustments for you?
Another thing that we discussed was early marriage with childcare and how that affects the relationship. Nationally, marital satisfaction goes down after the birth of the first child and with each child after that then levels out and goes up when the children move out of the home. That is what statistics show.
But the family doesn't have to be that way, we can find ways of involving our spouse in the pregnancy and in the newborns life. This child belongs to both parents and both parents should be involved in its life and in taking care of it.
There are some many things to adjust to when first starting out. For me, I had to adjust to sharing a bed, I loved stretching out and having all blankets to myself but now I must share. I loved having someone to support me and talk with me anytime I needed and to have someone for me to support and help as well.
Other adjustments that we discussed was being on the same page with schedules or personal habits. What were some of the hard adjustments for you?
Another thing that we discussed was early marriage with childcare and how that affects the relationship. Nationally, marital satisfaction goes down after the birth of the first child and with each child after that then levels out and goes up when the children move out of the home. That is what statistics show.
But the family doesn't have to be that way, we can find ways of involving our spouse in the pregnancy and in the newborns life. This child belongs to both parents and both parents should be involved in its life and in taking care of it.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Week October 21-25 Love and Dating
This week we learned about love and dating.
In our world today, people are spending more time hanging out but not actually dating and courting their significant other.
We learned that there are four steps to get to marriage:
1. Dating: Meet a variety of people and date them individually but not exclusively.
2. Courtship: Dating exclusively
3. Engagement: Making decisions. Deciding the wedding plans and roles in the future family and other important decisions.
4. Marriage: An exclusive, mutually beneficial union to build families and progress together.
To date means that it is paid for, the two are in a pair, and that the activity is planned. When both parties understand that definition, then the date will go much better. Each person will be able to learn important skills that will help them connect and understand other people and work well together which is important in marriage. So many people today are just hanging out in large groups watching movies and calling that a date. Hanging out won't give you all the skills you need to be in a good marriage.
We also learned that there are different types of love and that each are good and each are important to have in different stages of life but also within a marriage.
The types of love are philia, agapa, eros, storge. Philia is a love between friends. Agapa is a love of all men, a charitable, selfless love. Eros is a passionate, romantic and intense love. And Storge is the love of a parent to a child. These types of love are very different but to have a friendship love (philia), passionate (eros) and the selfless love of agapa are all important for a marriage.
In our world today, people are spending more time hanging out but not actually dating and courting their significant other.
We learned that there are four steps to get to marriage:
1. Dating: Meet a variety of people and date them individually but not exclusively.
2. Courtship: Dating exclusively
3. Engagement: Making decisions. Deciding the wedding plans and roles in the future family and other important decisions.
4. Marriage: An exclusive, mutually beneficial union to build families and progress together.
To date means that it is paid for, the two are in a pair, and that the activity is planned. When both parties understand that definition, then the date will go much better. Each person will be able to learn important skills that will help them connect and understand other people and work well together which is important in marriage. So many people today are just hanging out in large groups watching movies and calling that a date. Hanging out won't give you all the skills you need to be in a good marriage.
We also learned that there are different types of love and that each are good and each are important to have in different stages of life but also within a marriage.
The types of love are philia, agapa, eros, storge. Philia is a love between friends. Agapa is a love of all men, a charitable, selfless love. Eros is a passionate, romantic and intense love. And Storge is the love of a parent to a child. These types of love are very different but to have a friendship love (philia), passionate (eros) and the selfless love of agapa are all important for a marriage.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The week of October 14-18. Gender Roles and the Family
This week we discussed gender roles and those roles that are in the family
I really
enjoyed this week’s discussion on the roles of the family and the
gender-typical behaviors. I especially enjoyed the movie that we watched on the
society’s views of what the roles of men and women are. The video discussed whether men and women especially boys and girls choose different toys or activities because that is what they have been taught by society/parents or if that is their biological make-up. The question is do girls play with dolls in a nurturing way because they have been taught to play that way by their parents or society or do they play with dolls because they are biologically made to have special skills to nurture?
I believe that we are
men and women by Heavenly Father’s design and it takes both of us to raise a family.
In a talk by David A. Bednar (who is an apostle of the Lord) entitled: “Marriage is essential to His eternal plan”
he states that “The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect
each other.” This confirms to me that we were men and women in the pre-mortal life.
We were meant to be the gender that we are and we have divine attributes that
only our gender has and we have to be together in a marriage to be able to
reach our full potential. Women and men complete each other but we are not two halves perfectly split down the middle, we are jagged like a puzzle piece that fit together perfectly, both of us having a little bit of knowledge and completing the other's knowledge and skills.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and believe very strongly and have a knowledge that men and women are meant to marry and complete each other in their journey through life.
To learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or the Mormon Church visit:
A link to Elder David A. Bednar's talk:
Friday, October 11, 2013
October 7-11th Class, Culture and the family structure
This week we discussed how the economic class and culture that your family is living in affects your family.
We discussed that some people who are considered to be in a lower class bracket by the amount of money they make often has a huge affect the rest of the aspects of their family. Typically, the parents are working so they don't have much time to teach and influence their children and the children tend to take care of each other or start working to help the other family members. Then we discussed the people who are considered in the higher status of class. The interesting thing was that these children in the family don't typically spend much time with their parents either because they have nannies to watch them or their parents are away much of the time. The socio-economic status of your family could effect how your family is treated based only on money. But a person is so much more than the amount of money that they make. Some higher class families could spend all their time with their children because they don't have to worry about working to provide for the children.
Culture can also affect the way your family functions. We discussed the ways that families are run in different parts of the world. Some families have the fathers work outside the home and the mothers stay because that is what is socially acceptable. Other families only have one parent and grow up completely without the other parent in their lives.
How have you noticed that your family is affected by culture or social class?
We discussed that some people who are considered to be in a lower class bracket by the amount of money they make often has a huge affect the rest of the aspects of their family. Typically, the parents are working so they don't have much time to teach and influence their children and the children tend to take care of each other or start working to help the other family members. Then we discussed the people who are considered in the higher status of class. The interesting thing was that these children in the family don't typically spend much time with their parents either because they have nannies to watch them or their parents are away much of the time. The socio-economic status of your family could effect how your family is treated based only on money. But a person is so much more than the amount of money that they make. Some higher class families could spend all their time with their children because they don't have to worry about working to provide for the children.
Culture can also affect the way your family functions. We discussed the ways that families are run in different parts of the world. Some families have the fathers work outside the home and the mothers stay because that is what is socially acceptable. Other families only have one parent and grow up completely without the other parent in their lives.
How have you noticed that your family is affected by culture or social class?
Friday, October 4, 2013
Third Week of Class: September 30 through October 4
Hello!
This week in class we learned about four different family theories.
The first theory we learned about was the Family Systems theory:
This theory has these main points
- The whole is greater than its parts.
- Each member has a specific role.
- There are rules to the family both written and unwritten.
The next theory was Exchange Theory:
- It is a give and take situation. I will only do something if I get something out of it.
Symbolic Interaction Theory:
- I perform an action and the other person could interpret it differently than what I intended for it to mean.
- We have meaning with all interactions.
Conflict Theory:
- Two people who are smart could still have misunderstandings but they can talk them out and then they will be working effectively together.
I really enjoyed learning about these theories. I like theories, it helps me make sense and relate what I am learning to myself. The theories that I liked the most from this list were the "symbolic interaction" and the "family systems". The symbolic interaction is one that I can relate to, there are so many times that my spouse and I will do something for each other without being asked and see the kindness in that act of service. But there have been times where we will do something for the other that they may take to mean as a way of getting something, like a guilt trip to do the dishes. I also liked the family systems theory a lot. In my own experience I have thought of the family as living thing, when one person moves or a situation causes roles to change then the family adapts.
This week in class we learned about four different family theories.
The first theory we learned about was the Family Systems theory:
This theory has these main points
- The whole is greater than its parts.
- Each member has a specific role.
- There are rules to the family both written and unwritten.
The next theory was Exchange Theory:
- It is a give and take situation. I will only do something if I get something out of it.
Symbolic Interaction Theory:
- I perform an action and the other person could interpret it differently than what I intended for it to mean.
- We have meaning with all interactions.
Conflict Theory:
- Two people who are smart could still have misunderstandings but they can talk them out and then they will be working effectively together.
I really enjoyed learning about these theories. I like theories, it helps me make sense and relate what I am learning to myself. The theories that I liked the most from this list were the "symbolic interaction" and the "family systems". The symbolic interaction is one that I can relate to, there are so many times that my spouse and I will do something for each other without being asked and see the kindness in that act of service. But there have been times where we will do something for the other that they may take to mean as a way of getting something, like a guilt trip to do the dishes. I also liked the family systems theory a lot. In my own experience I have thought of the family as living thing, when one person moves or a situation causes roles to change then the family adapts.
Friday, September 27, 2013
My classmates blogs. Each week each of us blog about what we were most impacted about in class.
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• Alexis Priestly
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• Ally McClain
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• Amber Kranc
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• Annabel Detering
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• Bailey Baird
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• Caitlin Schofield
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• Candice Merrill
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• Cristel Carlini
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• Elisse Cook
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• Emily Hayes
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• Erica Arguello
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• Hailey Patera
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• Haley Lucas
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• Heather
Christensen
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• Janaya
L. Johnson
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• Jenney Premont
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• Julie Moss
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• Kayleena Johnston
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• Kaylonnie White
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• Kelsey Lawrence
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• Kelsey Murphy
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• Kody Daffer
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• Krystal Palmer
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• Laura Hudgins
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• Madeline Vance
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• McKayla Nicole
Hess
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• Michael Watts
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• Olivia Welch
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• Patrick Williams
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• Rachel Blaylock
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• Rachel Escobar
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• Sammi Scott
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• Tamara Handa
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• Tina Trepanier
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• Tod Flory
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Clarissa Beamer
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Ailli Brown
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Brandi Cash
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Kylee Goodworth
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Mallary Goude
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Emily Hayes
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Allison Hughes
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Hannah Joyce
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Jonathon Mann
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Allison McClellan
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Michaela Ostler
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Linda Plate
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Lindy Provost
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Whitney Reed
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Miriam Rios-Reyes
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Sammi Scott
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Titan Sweeten
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Kim Tafua
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Olivia Welch
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Hayley Woodbury
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September 23-27 in FAML 160-02 (MWF 11:30am)
This week in my FAML 160 class we learned about the statistics of marriages and current trends of relationships. We also watched a documentary about the future of the family like the fertility rates and birth rates.
I was interested in the trends of relationships. We discussed the connections between the following trends: Cohabitation, marriage age, living alone, pre-martial sex, unwed mothers, birth rates and divorce.
We discussed that divorce rates are actually going down but that could be caused by cohabitation going up thus people aren't divorcing because they aren't marrying. Also, the marriage age is later than it used to be, nowadays it is 26 for women and 28 for men so the older marrying age may be contributing to why people aren't divorcing, they are more mature when they choose to marry.So, I was very interested in the trends of the current generation and exploring possible causation like I showed above.
I was interested in the trends of relationships. We discussed the connections between the following trends: Cohabitation, marriage age, living alone, pre-martial sex, unwed mothers, birth rates and divorce.
We discussed that divorce rates are actually going down but that could be caused by cohabitation going up thus people aren't divorcing because they aren't marrying. Also, the marriage age is later than it used to be, nowadays it is 26 for women and 28 for men so the older marrying age may be contributing to why people aren't divorcing, they are more mature when they choose to marry.So, I was very interested in the trends of the current generation and exploring possible causation like I showed above.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Week one of classes (September 16-21st.)
Hello!
My name is Linda Plate, I am currently a senior at BYU-I studying Child Development. I got married on Valentine's Day to my high school sweetheart, Spencer.
This blog is an assignment for a family class that I am taking. This week in class we discussed the importance of having reliable sources when reading a text. If the source or research that was done wasn't reliable or true then the document wouldn't be trustworthy.
My name is Linda Plate, I am currently a senior at BYU-I studying Child Development. I got married on Valentine's Day to my high school sweetheart, Spencer.
This blog is an assignment for a family class that I am taking. This week in class we discussed the importance of having reliable sources when reading a text. If the source or research that was done wasn't reliable or true then the document wouldn't be trustworthy.
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